Sometimes I think the bravest thing you can do is leave the past in the past, and move on into the future.

When you think of it that way, every New Years Eve is a huge step into a brave new world.  Not the tightly controlled, sterilized world of Aldous Huxley's novel, but a world of possibilities of your own making and choosing.  You now have 365 days to figure out what you want to do with them.  The key thing here, is figuring out what YOU want to do.  This is not the time to write someone else's goals into your life plans.

I had spent my entire life wanting to be a writer.  After years of fear of failure stopping me from pursuing it, I made a promise to myself last December 31st, that starting on January 1st, I would make some effort, at some point during the year, to get myself back into it.  Granted it took me until August to start taking even baby steps, but I finally got it done. This blog, and several other projects, are a result of that.

Whatever it is for you, it can be done.  What means the most to you, and what do you want to do with it?  These are the questions that change lives, and in some cases, change the world.  For some it could mean a commitment to getting their financial house in order.  That could mean anything from writing letters to settle debt, to committing small amounts to savings each paycheck, to clearing up a credit report, to maybe even searching for a better job.  The point is to take any small step that allows you to move forward.

The beginning of a new year is a signal to move forward.  You can't change anything about the year that has passed, but upon reflection, you will always see something that you feel that you could have done differently.  Now is the time to make that change.  However small or large, this change could be the very thing that you needed to do for yourself in order to progress toward your goal.  Don't think an inch is progress?  Ask a turtle.

Tomorrow is the first day of a new year.  You have 365 chances to make your life into the life you want.  Get to it!

I am writing this in the last small bit of quiet I will have before the relative speed and insanity of Christmas Eve and Christmas Day descend upon me. 

Christmas Eve will be a flurry of work, last minute shopping, rushing home to change (The choir tends to dress in similar colors for special services.  It actually looks pretty good from the audience!) before the Christmas Eve Candlelight Service at church, then rushing home to wrap the newly purchased last minute gifts followed by outlasting the kids so I can wrap their gifts while they sleep.  If I am lucky, I'll get to bed by 2:00am.  Although Christmas Day starts later (my children are not voluntary early risers under ANY circumstances) it's still an all day run of food, family, gifts, and two long-ish sits on the 405 freeway getting to and from my mother's house in the San Fernando Valley. The day goes by fast, and is pretty enjoyable.  I do like spending time with my family, but when The Day is done, I am only too happy to come home and make the acquaintance of my bed.

Since I've been a parent, Christmas has become a different experience for me.  For the last 21 years, I have always sought to make sure that my kids have great Christmas memories.  I will never forget the year I woke my son up Christmas morning by playing the CD he asked for on the boombox radio he asked for.  The look on his face was priceless, as he wondered aloud how I had managed to both sneak it past him, and hide it in the house.  A couple of years ago, I realized that my daughter had developed a love of the Hello Kitty character.  So for Christmas, I bought her a Hello Kitty outfit, Hello Kitty  hat, and a few other related items, and put them all in a Hello Kitty gift bag.  She squealed from the minute she saw the bag until she had pulled out the very last item.

To that end, I have also expressed to my family that I don't really want or need anything for Christmas.  Adults are difficult to buy for, and rather than have anyone racking their brains trying to figure out what to get me, I always tell them that I just want to make sure that the kids have a nice Christmas.  This has come in handy when Christmas morning was comprised of gifts given by others because I had no money to purchase anything for anyone.  And there were quite a few of those.

It was those years of having nothing that made me appreciate The Day for more than just the exchange of gifts.  What is it about The Day, other than the gifts, that people wait all year for?  The anticipation of food, family and fellowship (religious or otherwise), that people may not receive during the year, will always be evident, somewhere, on The Day.  My family all lead very busy lives, what with work, school, travel and so on, and we don't always see each other much during the year.  A holiday here, or a hurried visit there, maybe a phone call or two.  But for at least one day each year, we all slow down, sit and share a meal and talk, just for a day.

Even now, while I am in a slightly (VERY slightly) better financial place, I still enjoy The Day more for the feelings of peace and happiness.  I am wiser now, and gifts are small, and usually have some meaning to the recipient.  I enjoy seeing the smiles on faces when they receive some small item that was just what they  wanted or needed.

The laughter, conversation and smiles are what I look forward to on The Day.  They are the only things I want or need.  I get them in abundance.  I am satisfied with The Day.

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays.

And all through the house
My son vowed to take out the garbage only during daylight
As outside he saw a mouse

The Christmas cards were taped
to the back of the front door with care
While I worry that that last gift I ordered
would not make it there

The children play Just Dance
and will not go to bed
While my daughters plans
her birthday sleepover
in her head

The kids in their PJs
and I in my scarf
are sipping tea and ginger ale
and trying not to barf

When outside in the courtyard
their arose such a clatter
I peeked out my front window
To see what was the matter

Quietly to the window 
I crept like a mouse
So no one would notice 
I was watching from my house

Just one of the neighbors
putting up his new lights
Just bright enough
to bring daytime to night


But good neighbor he is
the lights go off at ten
The kids wear out and crash
All is quiet and Zen


Munching a candy cane
I grin as I write
Happy Holidays to all
Please have a good night

"Blessed are the Peacemakers, for they will be called the children of God" - Matt 5:9 (NIV)

The subject of peace has been on my mind a lot lately.

World peace is always a huge concern, as conflicts in other countries have a way of creeping over and involving the United States.  Not that I object to helping a friend in need, but the kind of help required in these situations often mean catastrophic loss of human life on all sides, and never the people that started the conflict in the first place.  Peace within the United States would be a nice change, too.  Not the peace that comes with hanging one's head and surrendering to injustice, but the kind of peace that abounds when people began to look at each other as human beings; not by race, or class or any other man-conceived division.  When people finally realize that treating someone with the respect that all human beings deserve will get them further towards their goals than treating them with contempt or derision based on how they look or their perceived station in life, I dare say that this country will find itself back to being the economic powerhouse it once was, and with a happier populace to boot.

The same can be said for achieving peace even on local levels.  The inability to treat each other with respect, especially those we consider to be different from ourselves, drives most of our conflicts, especially in the midst of profound disagreement over a course of action.  Usually, the disagreements that spark conflicts at home, on the job, in our churches, in our cities, states, nations and all over the world is change.  People fear change.  Especially people or groups that are benefiting from "the way things are".  Do not do anything different from what we are already doing, one group will rise up and say.  It has always worked in the past, so why change it now? Another group will ask, Why not make changes?  The way things are is not working for everyone, and maybe a few changes might make (fill in the situation) better. The second group will create a plan for change that they hope will benefit the largest number of people, and will be repeatedly denied by the first group.  Now we have conflict between two groups, and seemingly no way out of it.

You would think this would be the perfect time for the Peacemaker to enter the picture. The goal of the Peacemaker is reconciliation.  The peacemaker brings both sides of an issue together in order to seek the best possible solution for all involved parties.  Finding common ground and working from that starting place is the most important tool in the Peacemakers bag of tricks.  The Peacemaker is who all parties should embrace.

Unfortunately, what the majority of the world gets during these times are the Instigators.  The Instigator protects the status quo at all costs, generally because they expect to benefit from it, either directly or indirectly.  Rumor-mongering, outright lies and de-stabilization of opposing groups are tools the Instigator uses to further his agenda.  This was so important in Germany in the 1930's, that Adolph Hitler created a Minister of Propaganda position in his cabinet for Joseph Goebbels.  Although what happened in Germany was done to defend the indefensible, and as such, no governing body would create that type of position today, you could argue that they don't have to.  There are far too many media pundits only too willing to continually spread lies and gossip so that any deviation from "how it's always been done" is regarded with fear and suspicion, enabling those in power to remain there.  This is true on every level where there is a governing body that wants to retain power and influence, even after a new governing body has been elected.  And we all know someone in our personal periphery that fulfills the role of the Instigator: a person who thrives on chaos, is the first to spread rumors, if not start them, and is willing to lie about anything or anyone without a thought to anything other than what they stand to gain by creating someone's downfall.  The sad reality of this, is that in the world of politics, the Instigator usually wins.

This all came to me this week as I pondered the death of Nelson Mandela, who worked for peace and equality in South Africa, and more specifically, the various reactions to his death from all over the world.   Mandela was in direct opposition to the existing power structure; he faced enormous resistance to his goal of equal access for those at the bottom of the social order.  Mandela had to forge coalitions with those who held opposite viewpoints in order to get that goal met.  In the midst of a hard fight for justice, in a nation torn by racial strife, Mandela incredibly, moved from Instigator (although he agitated for a good cause, his early methods were questionable) to Peacemaker when he realized that there was a better way to reach his goal.

How much better would our lives be if we could all embrace the role of the Peacemaker?  What kind of progress could be made if the Instigator realized that allowing change to happen will not diminish them, as much as their own reactions to proposed changes might? When we begin to regard each other as equals ("For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God" - Romans 3:23 NIV), and treat each other accordingly (there is such a thing as respectful disagreement), we all start to inherit the role of Peacemaker.  With a world in constant conflict, at all levels, more Peacemakers are desperately needed.  Now, not later.

If it's true that every picture tells a story, then it must be equally true that every pair of shoes that you own say something about what was going on in your life when either when you bought them, or if you are anything like me, when you eventually wore them.  If I were going to tell the story of my life in pictures, I would probably start with shoes.  My feet take the most beating of all of my body parts, and as such I've tried to treat them with utmost care.  As I got older, that eventually meant that I could no longer wear the absolute cheapest shoes as they tended to fall apart faster than shoes I had paid a little extra for, and the effect on my feet (blisters, corns, etc) was often disastrous.  I'm not one to complain about being in pain; I can suck up the pain and soldier on with the best of them.  Except when it comes to my feet.  I walk a lot, even when I do have a car, and love going on hikes, so hurting feet are not an option for me.  Although you may question that when you see some of my favorite shoes.

My  Hush Puppies, and several other pairs of low-heeled, super comfortable loafers, are my everyday work shoes.  I purchased these when I changed departments at work, and could no longer wear sneakers or tennis shoes to work.  This shoe talks about a change in my professional image: from comfortable techie, to semi-serious Systems personnel.  Because I never know what I'll end up doing from day to day, my job dictates that I should wear pants or slacks and a nice blouse that I don't mind getting dirty, and that can stand up to a lot of washing.  While still maintaining a professional image, of course.  Which, according to an older woman I consider a bit of a mentor, I needed to do anyway in order to be taken more seriously on the job.  I'll admit that it is nice to look a little better at work, right up until I have to crawl under a desk to check cabling, or move a pc that hasn't been moved since we came into this building and has a five year accumulation of dirt and dust under it, or have to change the toner in one of the large copiers, which only happens on days I decide to wear a white shirt.   Of course.

Black pumps are my favorite standard fall back when I need to dress up in a hurry.  They go with EVERYTHING, and the right pair can last forever.  They are outrageously easy to find in a pinch.  Like the pair above.  I purchased these in a hurry after a five alarm wardrobe malfunction at work, having busted both the button and the zipper on a pair of pants, and not wearing a shirt long enough to cover it up until later.  They had just opened a Target down the street from my job, and I rushed down there at lunch only to find that any pants that fit my, ahem, width, were way too long.  (I have a genetic condition called Biggus Buttus.  Any pants big enough to contain my entire bottom half, invariably need to be shortened to fit my leg length.  Go figure.)  Target just happened to have some beautiful knit dresses on sale, in my size, and it was clear that I couldn't wear the tennis shoes I had worn to work with the knit dress, so I zoomed over to the shoe department, where this pair were sitting right at the end, as if they knew I was coming and decided to make themselves known.  My feet kept sliding out of the back of the shoes, but along with the grey knit dress, I slightly resembled the professional secretary I was earlier in life.  I felt feminine and a little girly, odd for an IT person, but it was rather nice to get a different sort of attention from my co-workers, who at that time had rarely seem me in anything other than jeans and sneakers.  Those shoes made for a pretty interesting day.

This pair of shoes were part of my annual Easter purchase.  There are two times per year when I am almost guaranteed to buy a new outfit and/or a new pair of shoes: Christmas and Easter.  I freely admit to being both corny and a tad bit goofy.  At Christmas and Easter I buy my daughter and I something in the same color family to wear to church.  I try not to be matchy-matchy, but I generally keep it kind of close.  This was the year I bought my daughter a white dress with blue flowers on it, then bought a dress that was described on a website as blue, but turned out to be light turquoise. Not a mess exactly, just not what I had in mind.  About a week later I was flipping through an Avon catalog, and I came across an outfit that was cute, functional and machine washable, and in true Avon style they had a pair of shoes that matched it.  I immediately fell in love with the beautiful tri-colored shoes, because not only did they match the outfit in the catalog, it matched the dress I had just bought as well as another dress I already had.  These shoes conform to a rule my mother instilled in us growing up: Whatever you buy, make sure you can wear it with more than one thing.  Make every purchase count.  These shoes also made me learn to walk in a skinnier heel than I usually do.  I've mentioned before that I am a bit of a klutz.  Strapping these on ( I was DETERMINED to make them work!) forced me to re-learn the sort of balance you don't get wearing sneakers and flip flops (my usual shoes) all of the time.  The fact that I think I look cute in them is a great motivator as well.

These sparklers were purchased for one event, worn for another (and never used for the event they were actually purchased for) and now reside in their box underneath my bed.  With these shoes I learned that five hours in them is never a good idea.  If you are going to do a lot of standing and walking, it's best to keep your shoes at a walk-able height.  For me that generally means no more than two to two and 1/2 inches.  Special event shoes are something everyone has to purchase from time to time, but women are more likely to get stuck with a pair of shoes they will only wear once, and that will stare back at them as a reminder of money spent on something they will never wear again.  Although my niece's debutante ball was a great memory, and there are fantastic shots of my family dressed up in ball gowns and tuxedos, I couldn't help but notice that you could hardly see my feet in any of the shots.  What a waste!  This was the only good picture I got out of them.

This is my favorite pair of shoes.  Perfect heel height and type for a pair of boots.  This was a pair that I bought to replace a pair I had lost years ago when the heel on the pair detached, and the shoe repair shop couldn't fix them.  The pair I had before were suede, hit me just above mid calf, and were unbelievably classy.  I can wear these with skirts, dresses or pants, and they always look good.  I looked for this pair of boots for five years because I wanted EXACTLY the same type of boots I had lost.  I did not want boots with a skinny heel, or that had too high a heel, or were flat.  I did not want a pull on boot, and finding the right size was a challenge.  These boots were, to me, all about persistence, and sticking with a goal until you find the precise thing you are looking for.  Not a bad lesson, methinks, when applied to career and some personal goals.  In the end I found them right where most of my searches start, my neighborhood Payless, but when they didn't have my correct size in stock, I found I could just order them from the website and have them shipped to my home.  The internet is a wonderful device for searching for the very thing you need.  Or in my case, just finding the specific pair of boots you want.

My daughter is following me in the love of shoes.  Even at her young age, her shoes have stories to tell about her own adventures in this world: The pair of sneakers she wore on her first hike, or the pair of hot pink heels she got for Easter one year that she not only had to walk in, but dance in. Those are her sneakers in the first picture, passed on to her from a friend that had outgrown them too quickly to get any real use out of them.  She especially loves her sandals and other cute Sunday Go To Meeting shoes.  Because we only wear them once a week, she is also, in her own 9 year old way, slowly following me into the heels.  Which I don't condone over a certain height obviously, as her feet are still developing.  But I think it's ultimately harmless, and she could be fascinated with far worse things than exactly which shoes go with which outfit.  Specifically.  And only wanting to wear certain shoes with certain outfits.  It just comes with the territory, and at least it's territory I know well.  

And I gained a shoe shopping buddy that I can now show the Way of the Shoe.

My old phone died over the weekend, which meant it was time to get another phone.

This was a tragedy to me, as I can't stand parting with money unless it is absolutely necessary.  I could ignore the fact that I had cracked the face of the phone when I dropped it on pavement.  I put clear tape over the broken glass shards, and made sure not not to swipe the phone near where the broken glass was.  I could get around the fact that the phone had started giving me a weird echo when I spoke on most of my calls, and that sometimes when I answered calls I couldn't hear the caller nor could they hear me.  Simple solution.  I hung up the call and called right back, whereupon I would get the weird echo thingy, hang up a second time, then call again.  Well.  Third times the charm, or so they say.  

What I could not ignore, finally, was that it was taking me longer and longer to get the phone to recognize the charger.  Even when the phone acknowledged the chargers presence, there was no guarantee they were going to play well together.  The phone would simply refuse to charge overnight, and I would wake up to either a dead phone, or ominous warnings that my phone would only be around for a little longer before it cacked.  Seeing as I had kept this phone for a little over two years, I was a bit misty-eyed to see it go.  Not really.  The thought of having to spend money on another phone, and learn a whole new set of quirks, was not terribly appealing.

A technophobe, I am not.  I am a techie by trade, and my day job is computer support, either by phone, remotely or in person.  I embrace new technologies, and my fascination with the newest items on the market are only hampered by my meager budget.  Learning a new phone takes time; time I don't always have.  For the new phone, I was also changing operating systems, from Windows to Android.  Now, geek I am, I already have a Kindle Fire (nerds like to see the world in color!), so the learning curve with the new phone wasn't too bad.  It was just a matter of finding all of the bells and whistles on the new phone.  Well, that and re-finding and downloading all of my apps, of which there were many.

But the money!  Most modern electronics are designed like some older cars.  They were never meant to outlast the payments.  Most phones are meant to be obsolete in one year, and we humble consumers are expected to upgrade every year.  At $100 - $200 a pop. Yeah, right.  Whenever I spend that kind of money, especially if I have to make payments on it,  I will keep it until it begs to be put out of it's misery, or just falls over and dies on it's own.  I amaze every phone store employee that helps me by keeping each phone I've had for well over two years.  The very first time I upgraded from my very first cell phone, the salesman called my phone a dinosaur.  I had that phone for five years before it finally died.  I did the same thing with my very first car.  Repair after repair after hose after belt after brakes.  When both the transmission and engine needed to be replaced, it was finally time to let it go.  

But time and technology march on, and like most people I use my phone as a watch, mobile calendar, camera, and to return texts and emails that might actually be important.  I can now also use it to track the weather, and see if my bus is going to show up on time (they rarely do, but at least now I don't have to guess).  Phones are not just for talking, and haven't been for years.  No matter what function you need, there is now, literally, an app for that.  Even apps for killing time in a waiting room or restaurant.  Which I am guilty of.  With a scotch taped, broken phone that hadn't charged.  So...yeah.  Maybe it was time to get another phone.