I have a set of New Year's Eve and New Year's Day rituals, that while essentially meaningless, I take great comfort in, if only because they are familiar.  Nothing harmful, mind you, just things I do to close out one year, and usher in the next.

For the last couple of years, this ritual has included a church service, then either back at home, or over to my sister's apartment, to just hang out, watch movies, talk and laugh until just before midnight, when we turn on the countdown on Dick Clark's New Year's Rockin Eve (every year, without fail), for the last few minutes before the clock strikes 12:00.  We toast the New year, my sisters and I text each other and our mom, and after we all wind down, and the kids are in bed, I say a prayer, thanking God for surviving the year that passed, and expressing my hopes for the coming year.  Then I make sure I wake up early enough to catch the first showing of the Tournament of Roses Parade (the one without the commercials), an annual tradition here in Southern California that leads up to the annual Rose Bowl game between college football teams..  Then I spend the remainder of the day relaxing, and/or preparing myself for whatever is going to come next in my life.

For whatever reason, I tend to pay particular attention to the first song I hear at or after midnight. I guess in my own way I think the song is either setting the tone for the year ahead, or telling me something about the year that just ended.  Generally, I tend to have the radio on as well as the television, and for several years, the first song I heard was "New Year's Day" by U2.  Which is fine, but I started thinking that maybe because this is a song about war and politics that contains the statement "Nothing changes on New Year's Day", maybe this is not the tone that I really want to set fot the new year.

This year, the host of the countdown stated that Elton John would be performing soon after the break, so, seeing as I am an Elton John fan, I opted to wait before turning off the living room tv.  My reward for not hastily turning off the tv, was that the first song I heard in the New Year was the 1983 Elton John hit, "I'm Still Standing", performed live (well on tape delay because we are on the West Coast) by the artist himself.  My kind of New Year theme!

Although the song is ostensibly about a man surviving numerous attempts by a former romantic partner to leave him defeated and depressed, I wonder if Mr. John realized how many people would recognize themselves or their circumstances in that song?   Does he know how many people see that song as inspiration to keep going through tough times?  This song tells us that, if you can arrive on the other end of your struggles, not just on your feet, but feeling triumphant for having survived it, you will eventually begin to put your life back together, and yes, you will be okay.

It certainly is the story of this past year of my life, especially the last few months.  I've found out recently that the fall out from my financial troubles are far from over, and I have many months of struggle ahead, but you know what?  I''m still standing.  I have a solid spiritual foundation, a rich internal life, and friends and family to listen to me when I need to talk.  I can go forward, even if because going backward is impossible, and while looking back may provide with some ideas of what I did wrong, and subsequently what I want to avoid, dwelling there will do far more harm than good.  

I'm still standing.

I still have a civil service job with a small, but steady, paycheck, and will be facing issues and opportunities with both in the coming days and months.  I've been here before, and I will get through this, hopefully wise enough to not make the same mistakes that got me into this mess in the first place.

I'm still standing.

My son hit some roadblocks on his way to getting on with his life, and it looks like there will be additional delays in his eventual exit.  My daughter is cruising towards her VERY emotional teens.  I have some support, but as always, on the day to day stuff, the micromanagement is still mostly on me.

So many things meant to destroy my spirit, break me down or just keep me running in circles so as not to get anything accomplished.  For so many others as well, the last 3-4 months of 2014 were devastating.  But I made it.  We all did. And by the Grace of God, going forward into 2015, I'm still standing.  I hope you are to.

Be well in the New Year.

If you can't tell already, I am in love with words.  I am also a secret romantic, with an unconditional love of the R & B ballads that I grew up with in the 70s and 80s that current radio refers to as Slow Jams.

On the outside I am very philosophical about love and relationships, but on the inside all I need to hear are the first strains of certain songs that bring me back to the romantic notions of my youth.  Back on Valentine's Day, I commented that I like to rock when I'm driving.  I didn't mean that to say that I don't like love songs.  I do, just not all of them.  There is something about the whispered promises of love and fervent declarations of devotion that move me when it concerns the music that played in my house during my younger years.

Not to be one of THOSE people, but a lot of today's love songs don't talk about love as much as they talk about sex, which is fine if that's what you're into, but it's not really for me.  I miss the sensuality of the suggestion, rather than the bold talk about the act itself.  My mother always taught us to "leave something to the imagination".  The sweet sounds of Ronald Isley's tenor, mixed with the vivid imagery of sailing away from daily cares and worries to "a paradise, out beyond the sea" propels "Voyage to Atlantis" by the Isley Brothers into a realm of romantic iconography very hard to reach by today's artists:

The demand for instant gratification that drives a lot of popular music is noticeably absent from Cameo's tale of longing and anticipation "Sparkle"

If you have ever felt insecure in a relationship, the opening assurances in Debarge's classic "Time Will Reveal" will soothe whatever doubts you have in the opening 30 seconds:

I used to wonder what drove me back to these particular songs for repeated listening.  Maybe it was the intensity of feeling that people are afraid to express for fear of not seeming aloof, which seems to be the prevailing sentiment today.  Not so in the early 80s, when the thought of potentially lost love drove someone to song to express it:

There was a time when artists were not afraid to show vulnerability in their lyrics.  They were unafraid to show fear, doubt, longing, love or any of a host of emotions with beautiful words meant to let the listener know that they, too, experienced the same situations and circumstances.  Artists related to the audience, and invited them to go down this road to love and romance with them.  Bravado and lust had their place, but it wasn't the default the way it is now.  Music is the ultimate relational tool, and even if you couldn't explain exactly how you felt, out there, somewhere, was a song that could help you express whatever was in your heart to someone who may not understand your own fumbling attempts.  Even I can't fully explain it.  

Then again, maybe I can just play you a song.

I've mentioned somewhere before that I sing with a few choirs.  Make no mistake, though: I am no one's idea of a soloist.  (In fact, I sing so low that you might not be able to hear me!)  I blend extremely well, however, and this suits me just fine.  No pressure to do anything other than fill in the background, and plenty of opportunity to observe the audience reaction to the song.

Judging from the amount of praise we get after our performances, I think we do okay, even as our numbers dwindle, and we don't get around as much as we used to.  Often I hear people wondering aloud how we can stand up and perform like we do.  They wonder if our lives lend themselves to performing without a care in the world, or at least that's how we appear to them, anyway.  Speaking as an introvert with almost crippling stage fright, and way too many personal things going on to count, I'd like to offer at least a partial answer to that question.

In late 2001, gospel artist Kirk Franklin released a song called "Why We Sing".  It took it's chorus from an old hymn, "His Eye Is on the Sparrow", which talks about not being worried about how you are going to manage the things outside of your control currently going on in your life.  In the singing of this refrain, you discover the reason so many of us sing, even in the midst of the chaos going on around us:

"I sing because I'm happy,"

Right now, I have every right to be in the middle of a nervous breakdown.  One child completely unmotivated and making no progress, another having fairly serious socio-emotional issues, stagnant job mobility or opportunities, serious financial issues that might soon see me tossed out of my apartment despite starting a second job, and unless I am willing to pay a professional, damn near no one to talk to.  And I know for a fact that I am not the only one going through serious difficulties right now.  Yet, I can still say that I am happy.  Regular prayer gives me just  the release valve I need, right when I need it most.  Not prayer in the sense of asking that my issues be resolved for me, so much as venting, and grasping to understand at least some of it.  I have rarely not come away with the understanding that nothing is forever, not even issues.  One child will eventually find a direction, the other will grow out her issues, and even if the financial issues don't get worked out in enough time to save this place (bad decisions made out of desperation do come back to haunt you), this won't be the first time I've had to move during bad circumstances.  I am not the only person to have ever gone through these things, and people do understand.  I am not alone, although it might look that way from the outside.  My happiness is not based on a lack of want, so much as it is based on the knowledge that everything ends, good, bad or otherwise.  Which leads to:

"I sing because I'm free,"

We have an interesting concept of freedom here in the US.  We celebrate our own freedom while sometimes actively denying it to anyone who holds a different viewpoint from our own.  This is not true freedom in that you are creating a hate that will make it hard for the next person to exercise their freedom.  I speak here of the Christians that mistreat anyone they feel is beneath them, either because they are not a Christian at all, or they feel that that person is not Christian enough.  If your practice of Christianity involves condescension, or belittling someone else's beliefs or lack there of, here's a hint:  Christianity - You're doing it WRONG!  Christianity is not an ego driven quest to make everybody just like you, and our Constitutional right to freedom of religious practice extends to EVERYONE, including those who practice no religion whatsoever, as well as my progressive, feminist take on Christianity.  So long as no one is actively being hurt by any particular practice (or if they are being hurt, it is dealt with properly), our freedom to believe as we will is protected.  Freedom to worship when, where and however you choose is not a freedom  extended all over the world, and we deny it to one another at our peril, lest we lose the one thing we are denying to someone else.

"His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me"

This is a concept I know people have the most issues with and questions about.  The idea of an all knowing and all seeing Father in the sky.  I've always viewed this aspect in a metaphorical sense.  The world places a great deal of emphasis on the individual, and in the US especially, personal responsibility is both a buzzword, and an expletive, depending on the context it is used in.   This is the reason most people have a hard time dealing with anything outside of their control.  So when people need to reach out for understanding, especially when things go wrong, and occasionally when things mysteriously go right even when they had every reason to go catastrophically wrong, the idea behind Faith, the feeling that someone out there cares about you, can empathize with your struggles, and in some way will always be there for you, is a necessity that keeps some people together in the middle of situations that would crack someone else.  For some, this might be their only method of finding some sort of peace that the outside world is trying to deny them.  The plight of African American churches and congregations in the South, both during slavery and the civil rights movement comes to mind.  Why disturb them if for no other reason than people that were meant to be cowed into silence and cooperation with their own oppression were finding peace, comfort, and often the strength to continue fighting within them?

While I am specifically telling my own story above, I know at least some small portion of it will apply to everyone that sings in every choir across the nation, maybe even across the world.  We are far from perfect, and we find the strength to sing through all of our worst trials, because we know that in some church, somewhere, someone is waiting for something positive, some shred of encouragement, something that will help them keep on going through the next day, and we might, maybe, deliver that.  If we can help someone, even if it just momentarily brightens their day, we've done something right.  I've said that I'm no soloist, but I do have a few favorites that I can listen to repeatedly as there are just notes that they sing that really appeal to me: Brenda, Sharon, Inez (these are all Sopranos, BTW.  I sing soprano, so perhaps there is a bit of bias there!  :)  ) Tomi and Willa.  The songs we learn, I often find myself singing to myself for days on end, and often refer to them at times when I need peace or comfort, and sometimes, for celebration.

And that's the reason why I sing.

There is nothing worse than a song that gets stuck in your head for days.  Especially if it's one of my tween daughter's sugary pop, Disney or Nickelodeon stars songs.  Then I have to find another earworm to try and cleanse my brain of the drivel that she loves so much.


I make no secret of the fact that I do not particularly enjoy my kids' tastes in music.  The fact that they play the songs TO DEATH is a guarantee that I will find myself humming the song at some random point, if only because I can't get away from it unless I barricade myself in my room with earplugs.  Having grown up listening to everything from the experimental jazz of the 60's, to the disco and hard funk of the 70's to my discovery of all things rock and roll, past and present in the 80's, generally I try to be pretty open about what I listen to.  But I can honestly say that I hate some of the sweet electropop my daughter loves more than I hate that whiny cartoon, Caillou, and that's saying a lot.

I kid, I kid.  Sort of.

Earworms are like that, though.  If it's a song you like, but maybe forgot about, having the song pop up suddenly can be a great memory of a time in your life that was free of the burdens and worries that you have now.  I love it when songs are tied to a movie I haven't seen in a long time, as it gives me a reason to go back and re-watch movies from my childhood and teen years.  It's interesting, however, when you are going through a extremely difficult or trying time in your life, and a song will suddenly pop into your head whose lyrics directly correspond to whatever it is that you are experiencing.  I've always figured that this was the universe's way of making sure you don't feel like you are going through this all alone; somebody out there gets it because they've been through it too.

I've has songs creep back into my memory that reminded of entire genres of music that I had forgotten about.  One morning I woke up with the song "Beautiful Disaster" by the group 311 playing in my head:

Up until that moment, I hadn't thought about the 90's alternative music that I used to love, much at all.  Once I looked it up on YouTube, it led me back to a lot of great artists and music that I used to love from LA radio station KROQ, until I stopped listening in the mid 90's.

These artists reminded me that I had always preferred my music with a little "bite" to it, and lyrics that actually talked about what was going on in the world, especially subjects people might overlook or take for granted.  I had always leaned more toward LA post-punk bands like X, or English punkers The Clash, more than mainstream pop.  Of course I was not totally immune to the charms of certain bands, remembering what slid under my radar and took up residence in my subconscious a couple of weeks ago:

If music really is the soundtrack of your life, per Dick Clark, the earworms I find most pleasant are the ones that develop after I've had to learn a song for one of the gospel choirs I sing with.  Don't get any big ideas; I am NOT a soloist, so much as I make a very joyful BACKGROUND noise.  These are the songs that tend to pop up in my head and stay for awhile when I'm down, or just not feeling areas of my life working out.  Songs with lyrics that are uplifting and let you know that you are definitely not all alone in your struggles.  Of course not all inspirational songs are gospel:

Sometimes a gospel-tinged vocal, mixed with a soaring jazz saxophone is all your memory needs to pull a certain song from your mental archives when needed.  

As varied as my musical background is, I find it interesting what kind of notes, lyrics, and occasionally entire albums spring into my head on a daily basis.  It rarely, if ever gets boring, and it's nice to know that the catalog in my head can pull up a song to match almost any occasion.  It makes for an interesting Facebook feed when I get post happy some nights.

And I don't hate EVERYTHING my kids listen to.  But don't tell them that.  Then I'll never get to listen to what I want while I clean the house.  And maybe plant a few earworms of my own.

I almost didn't write a post this week.

Busy, distracted by work and other issues, blah, blah, blah.  You know how these things go.

Then I got hit by perhaps the corniest inspiration on the face of the earth.

During the week leading up to Valentine's Day, radio stations like to bombard you with all the love songs they think you can possibly stand.  A grinch I am not, but I like to rock out when I'm driving, and all that soft, slow stuff makes me flip the station faster than you can say "talk radio".  A couple of days ago, though, I got caught on the tail end of a song I liked by the Foreigner track "I Want To Know What Love Is".  I let out a snort, then said to no one in particular, "Wouldn't we all?"  Later on that night,  the song replayed in my mind a few times (because that's how earworms work, unfortunately), and I realized that the song was such a hit because it stated a profound truth in an extremely, almost excessively simple way.  A man has been hurt many times, but he wants to try again, hopefully missing any landmines on the way.  What he would like, he says in the song, is some kind of map or guidebook that would tell him what he is looking for and how to get there.

It's like that with us singles.  Been around a few times, not all of them pleasant.  Wouldn't mind getting out there and trying again, but so many considerations.  One of the biggest considerations is where to start.

I have to say I like the way singer Howard Jones sang the question: What is Love, anyway?  Does anybody love anybody anyway?

The question is not as cynical as it sounds, and really neither am I.

A point of reference for me as to what Love is, is the 13th chapter of the book of 1 Corinthians in the Bible.  To me, it makes some very good all around points about what love is, and is not, and how you treat people when love is involved.  It also goes far beyond romantic relationships into the larger kinds of love.  I have a great deal of affection for the New International Version, so that's the translation I'll be working from here.

What I have always understood from this particular passage was that while there are a lot of people that have a lot of talents and can do a lot of things, if they are not doing it from a place of love, it means nothing.  If you knew, beyond a doubt, that you stood to gain absolutely NOTHING from your efforts, but that maybe, just maybe, you might help one person, would you do it anyway?  That might be a little on the extreme side of examples, but a small sample of what it means to use your gifts and talents out of love.

This passage is the one most often read at weddings, for the obvious reason that it lays out in very plain language how we are to treat each other in day to day relationships.  We need to demonstrate patience with, and kindness towards one another.  (As difficult as I know this can be, because there are people that will go out of their way to work our LAST nerve!)  When we love each other, there is no need for envy, or bragging, and among real friends, pride never enters into the conversation.  Not dishonoring others and not being self seeking are two sides of the same coin: one example might be gossiping  about someone else in order to bring down others estimation of them in order to bring yourself up in the eyes of those same people.  No, you are not to be happy when bad things happen to people you don't like, but be happy when the truth comes out for truths sake, nothing else.  With love, the urge is always there to protect, trust, hope and persevere.  These last four are much harder for those who have been hurt (or manipulated), but if they are thought of as goals, rather than insurmountable obstacles, they may be achievable.

We all grow and change over time.  Very few of us look, act or think the same as we did when we were children, and for good reason.  We know more than we did then, we can reason, and we have more self control than we used to.  Well some of us do.  The one thing that never changes is Love.  Perfect love, without flaw or defect (or price or hidden agenda or any of the modern equivalents) will always, we hope, come to drive out the imperfect, shed light on dark corners, and answer questions we've always had.  This is what we'd like to think.  What we dream of.  What we hope for.

I think so anyway.

I figured you guys might need a lighter read after that last blog post.

Since I ride the bus, and have no desire to overhear conversations, musings or rabid delusions, I wear a pair of earbuds plugged into a trusty MP3 player.  I have roughly 225 songs on the device divided into multiple genres: Gospel (mostly for mornings), Rock (classic, progressive and alternative), Jazz (fusion and modern) and R&B.  What I listen to on the way home is mostly affected by whatever mood I happen to be in from the events of the day.  I used to listen to a lot of Jazz on the way home.  Jazz helps mellow me out after particularly rough days.

Lately, I've been listening to rock music.  At first I was well into my alternative list, then all of a sudden my attention turned to Jethro Tull. Specifically the track "Locomotive Breath".  I could be attracted to the train motifs throughout the song.  I could be attracted to the tale of a man and his impending doom.  Actually, I am drawn to the impressive flute solo smack in the middle of the unlikeliest of places, a progressive rock song.

I like the flute.  It's light, beautiful notes can be compared to the sound of a bird singing.  I used to not mind listening to my older sister practice the flute when she was in her high school band.  She wasn't a bad player, and the stuff she played (band versions of popular music) sounded pretty good to my untrained ears.  I thought that the band or the orchestra were the only places for the flute until I got more into music.  That's when I realized a well placed flute in a song where you least expect can add a nice kick to anywhere it happens to be.  

Other than Jethro Tull, here are a couple more of my favorite flute solos in unusual places:

"Chase Me" - Con Funk Shun: I'll take my funk with a side of flute solo.  And you can dance to it!  Con Funk Shun is a reminder of a time when Funk ruled the dance floor, and it was normal to see an entire band on stage, including several woodwind and brass instruments.

"Funky Reggae" - Stone City Band:  Amid the joyous inquiry "What Kind of Music Do You Like?", this is a jazz/funk fusion song from the band most famous for backing singer Rick James, who himself started out as a backing musician for James Brown.  In other words, the man knew how to put together an incredible band that can insert a beautiful flute addition in such a way that it fits perfectly into a song about the universality of a love of music.

I love a well placed musical solo, especially if it's an instrument you don't expect to hear in that place.  Think the xylophone solo that begins the Oingo Boingo track  "Grey Matter".  Solos featuring unexpected sounds wake up your ears and force them to actually listen to the music, instead of the music fading into background noise, as it usually does.  Really listening to the music helps to develop more of an appreciation for the creativity and artistry that went into the creation of it.  Especially when you start to wonder how on Earth they managed to work THAT solo into THIS song.

That's when you know that you are really into the music.  Which is the BEST way to listen.

I will always remember my seventh birthday, because that's when my parents took my older sister and I to see The Wiz.

If I have an absurd love of musicals, it probably started with the modernized, urbanized tale of of a young woman named Dorothy, and her adventure as she struggled to find the true meaning of home.  As young girls, we were meant to empathize with the journey of Dorothy, as she tried to make it home, and helped others find what they already had (the Scarecrow had always been intelligent, the Tin Man indeed had feelings, and the Lion's courage surfaced when it needed to), even if they didn't realize it.  We understood Dorothy (even if she was a kindergarten teacher instead of a teenager, a concession made due to the casting of then 33-year old Diana Ross in the lead role) and certainly empathized with her quest, although we would not have to deal with career trajectory issues for another dozen years or so.  When I started watching the movie again with my own children some years ago, I began to notice themes, bits of dialogue and song lyrics I hadn't noticed before.

The many references to our urban reality, although handled with humor, pointed to the very real situations we faced on a daily basis.  The munchkins turned into permanent graffiti for painting on the walls of a park, showed children paying the ultimate price for what came to be called tagging, although back in the late 70's, they really were trying to make art, not just marking gang territory.  The Tin Man who hid his feelings behind jokes could be any of us who hide our true feelings in order to survive in our day to day lives.  Feelings are thought to be your enemy, and a sign of weakness, so we stifle them by whatever means necessary, in his case with humor, but occasionally with food, alcohol or worse.  The Lion's loud display of bravado, to cover up the fact that he felt he had no courage, was easily echoed in the legions of young men and women who resorted to violence and crime, based on a false, but popular, vision of what they thought courage looked like.

One of my favorite set pieces, and one of the funniest, was the Scarecrow and the Crows.  Here we have a young crow whose job is to scare the birds of prey away from the crops and seedlings.  When not doing this, which is most of the time as he is rather harmless looking, he entertains and educates himself by reading the bits of paper used to provide his stuffing.  He also yearns for a chance to come down from his perch and take a walk in his garden.  The crows like him where he is, of course, helpless and unable to stop them from stealing food from the garden.  To this end, not only do they refuse to help him off the pole, they unintentionally conspire to keep him from learning anything that would help the Scarecrow to help himself.  The Crows figure that by having The Scarecrow repeat their defeatist, cynical mantra (set to a good, dance-able beat, and sung well by a young Michael Jackson), they might maintain control over both him and their advantageous situation.  This was not new.

As far back as the 1950's, a crab barrel mentality, in which crabs try to keep each other from climbing out of the barrel by pulling them back in, has existed in the darker corners of urban centers.  Ostracism awaited anyone who dared display that they were academically talented, and/or wanted to rise above their circumstances.  Especially in lower socio-economic areas, reading was considered uppity, and the reader was thought to be either trying to be better than everyone else, or wasting their time, since they were unlikely to get a much better job than menial work, based on where their current place in life was. There was, some people believed, no escape from the life your parents led, so why even try?  The message of the Crows, then, was this:  Since the Game of Life is rigged to favor those that were already going to win, don't bother playing.  You will lose anyway, and feel worse for having tried.

What was true in the late 1970s is still true today.  Rampant anti-intellectualism (say that five times fast!) permeates urban culture.  Anyone that strays away from the accepted messages of hedonism (the search for pleasure above all things) and conspicuous consumption (you are what you buy) is regarded with a great deal suspicion and heaping doses of scorn.  Popular media feeds us a steady diet of images and music that tell us that we should aspire to look successful on the outside, never mind any education, as we are not expected to accomplish much else.  The messages are all wrapped up in pretty packaging as well.  Hmm.  Hedonism, materialism and negativity all set to a nice beat, with glamorous images.  Sound familiar?

Of course the movie goes on to a happy resolution, everyone finds what they are looking for, and Dorothy finds out the true meaning of home before being transported back to her New York City neighborhood.  But I've always found it interesting the things you realize when you first start hearing the words to the music you loved as a child, as an adult.  I never noticed that the lyrics to the song "Greased Lightning", from one of my other favorite musicals, Grease, were so dirty until I watched the original version of the movie sometime in my early 30's, after only watching the edited version on broadcast television for many years.  But aside from that, I am glad that the ultimate message of the crows, that of giving up in the face of obstacles, was defeated by the Scarecrow himself, with the aid of Dorothy and her dog in the movie.  He proved that no one has to let the  negativity that surrounds them on a daily basis define them, or decide their path.  He sang it actually.  To a nice, dance-able beat.

I still enjoy this movie.  Granted, I now understand both the lyrics and the underlying messages, a perspective that being 35 years removed from the first time I saw it as a child has provided.  The positive themes of family and self-determination presented in the film (Dorothy was afraid to make any real decisions, or leave the comfort zone of her aunt's home, until she was thrust into Oz), are what I believe the filmmakers really wanted the viewing audience to focus on.  Yes, the other, more negative connotations are there, and while it is good to be aware of them (mindless viewing of ANYTHING is always a bad idea), I believe that the larger point is that we determine our own fate, either by our actions, or lack thereof.  Sometimes despite where we started.

And like all journeys, it's always better when we make the trip with friends.  And music.

On October 8, 1992, at 8:04am, I gave birth to an 8lb., 4oz. baby boy.  Other than immediately wondering if 8 was going to be your lucky number, I had no thought other than "How on Earth am I supposed to raise this tiny little person into an adult?"  Twenty-one years, and many bumps, bruises and odd side trips later, I think I have finally come up with a hard list of things that I think are important as you move forward into the next part of your life.

1. Keep some form of spiritual grounding in your life.  I started this process by bringing you to church, and whether or not you continue, I hope you remain spiritually centered.  A foundation of faith, not religion, can bring a type of inner peace and strength that nothing can replace. Cultivate this.

2. Education is the gift that keeps on giving, and the one thing, once earned, that no one can ever take away.  Complete the concrete steps you need to move on with your goals, and never stop learning.  There is always something new to learn.

3. Ask for help when you need it.  The only people that will think less of you for asking are the people that already thought less of you to begin with.  Those are people you need to avoid if at all possible.  Conversely...

4.   If you can do it yourself, do it!  Self-reliance is not a dirty word.  The trick is in knowing when to do it yourself, and when to ask for help.

5. Surround yourself with people who love you and value you for who you are, not what you are, or what you can do for them.  As you work towards personal and professional successes, many more people will enter your life.    It is my hope that you will develop Discernment to know which relationships to nurture, and which people to allow to walk away.

6. Change is inevitable.  Never fear change.  Stay flexible, especially on the job.  This will come in handy more often than you realize.

7.  Feeling fear is normal.  Wallowing in it, or allowing it to dictate your choices in life is limiting.  Tempting as it is to not do things based on fear of the unknown, taking calculated risks (where you measure the possible outcomes against the size of the risk you are taking), might actually be some of the best decisions you ever make.

8. Knowledge is easy to obtain; Wisdom is not.  You will gain both as you get older: Knowledge through study, application and practice; Wisdom through a painful teacher called Experience.  The only people that don't gain Wisdom are people that don't want to.  On that same note...

9.  Proper money management is critical.  I didn't learn about what credit really meant until after I turned 30, and I have paid dearly for that lack of knowledge.  It is crucial that you realize there are a lot of little ways to stumble, and seriously damage your financial future. Nothing to fear, but a few things to know in order to have secure finances.

10. Failure is not the end.  Look at setbacks as the opportunity to reassess your goals and methods.  Then you can either try again from another angle, or go on to your next goal.  The point is always to keep moving forward, even if only an inch at a time.

11. Working hard and working smart are two different things.  Both are required to have a happy and successful life, and you will learn when to do each.

12. There are worse things than being alone.  This goes for friendships and relationships.  This also goes along with #5 above.  Red flags are exactly that:  an internal warning that something is not right, and from there you can make the choice to either explore it further, or leave it be.  But to be in negative relationship with people that either don't really like you, or are envious of you, or are unnecessarily and overtly competitive with you is emotionally draining.  In these cases, it is better to be alone than to wish you were.

13.  Kindness and decency are the meat and potatoes.  Intelligence is gravy.  Pretty is the dessert.  If she respects herself, and treats you and everyone else around her with respect, courtesy and kindness, she's a keeper.  If she is smart about the things that count (her strengths hopefully complement your weaknesses, and vice versa), that is an incredible bonus.  If she's also pretty, you hit the jackpot!

14.  Do pay attention to the world around you.  There is always a lot going on in the world.  Know enough about the world outside of your bubble of friends and interests to be able to speak intelligently about at least a few other subjects.  Notice when people are hurting or in need, and learn to be there for them.  Also notice when people want to be left alone, and respect their wishes.  The practice of empathy with the condition and circumstances of others will lead you to a better understanding of the world you live in.

15. Take care of yourself, too.  You already know that eating right (all things in moderation) and exercise are important for physical and mental health.  Take little time outs for your emotional health as well.  Spend a little time alone.  Unplug.  Listen to soothing music.  Read a good book.  I guarantee you will find yourself refreshed by the downtime.

Above all, know that I love you, and am truly looking forward to seeing the man you are becoming.

Today, I seriously needed an escape.

There was a minor car accident, and the consequences and repercussions were serious.  There were many hefty financial decisions to be made.  There were lives to be sorted out, and re-arranged to fit a new reality.  And there is the everyday challenges faced by single parent families.

My normal escape is music.  Music soothes my soul, helps me think and sometimes  puts words to my feelings.  Around the house, I can play music through my computer, or from my choice of satellite stations.  Played loudly enough to hear in another room, but not so loudly that the neighbors would be upset.  I can complete chores, read a book or dance to whatever music comes out of the speakers.

But when I am out walking, or working at my desk, my music needs to be made more personal.  Which is why I invested in a very good headset.  One that completely covers both of my ears, and blocks out all ambient noise.  Perfectly balanced, they allow me to slip into whatever musical mood I am feeling, and just flow with the music.

Local radio legend Jim Ladd used to have a segment on Wednesday nights at midnight called "Headsets".  In it, he would play an hour long set consisting of music, dialogue and ambient sounds all based around a common theme.  He recommended that his listeners listen to this segment through headphones in order to get the "Theater of the Mind" experience he was going for.  The point was to allow the music to surround you, and create images based on the sounds that you heard.

Some music was meant for headsets.  Music that invites you to escape into the mind of the artist, eyes closed, forming your own mental images to complement the words and music coming through the speakers directly into your ears.  No barking dogs, car horns or loud conversations allowed.  Some artists have entire albums meant for private listening pleasure only.  Headsets for your headset.

Dark Side of the Moon is an album meant for a headset.  Dummy, by British band Portishead, is an atmospheric run through alternative jazz, meant to be experienced more than listened to.  When I am feeling particularly low, gospel music sends it's  quiet message to me, arranged in such a way that the words of redemption and blessing are unmistakable.  Although physical escape in not possible, a retreat into the furthest reaches of my mind, lead by words and music meant to take me there, is readily available.

The kids like their headsets, too.  Although The Daughter mostly uses hers to play on the computer.  But by way of YouTube, she is discovering that the best way to listen to some music is personally.  No one there but her and the music and the lyrics.  She is free to form her personal vision of what she thinks the artist meant by a certain word or sound.  At her age, what the singer means, and what she thinks they mean are often hilariously different, but it's a learning experience.

My son has long since discovered a personal love affair with music.  Although his taste in modern hip-hop doesn't work for me, he does enjoy some of the classic rock I introduced him to.  He plugs his headset into his phone, and much like I do, escapes into his own musical world on long walks and bus rides.  Then again, that's the beauty of personal music.  You can put your own playlist together for whatever mood your in, thereby creating your own Headset.  Go ahead.  Plug in.  Listen.  Experience the feeling of flowing into the atmosphere of the musical world in your ear.  But most importantly, the sound and vision in your head.  Your personal Headset.