On October 8, 1992, at 8:04am, I gave birth to an 8lb., 4oz. baby boy.  Other than immediately wondering if 8 was going to be your lucky number, I had no thought other than "How on Earth am I supposed to raise this tiny little person into an adult?"  Twenty-one years, and many bumps, bruises and odd side trips later, I think I have finally come up with a hard list of things that I think are important as you move forward into the next part of your life.

1. Keep some form of spiritual grounding in your life.  I started this process by bringing you to church, and whether or not you continue, I hope you remain spiritually centered.  A foundation of faith, not religion, can bring a type of inner peace and strength that nothing can replace. Cultivate this.

2. Education is the gift that keeps on giving, and the one thing, once earned, that no one can ever take away.  Complete the concrete steps you need to move on with your goals, and never stop learning.  There is always something new to learn.

3. Ask for help when you need it.  The only people that will think less of you for asking are the people that already thought less of you to begin with.  Those are people you need to avoid if at all possible.  Conversely...

4.   If you can do it yourself, do it!  Self-reliance is not a dirty word.  The trick is in knowing when to do it yourself, and when to ask for help.

5. Surround yourself with people who love you and value you for who you are, not what you are, or what you can do for them.  As you work towards personal and professional successes, many more people will enter your life.    It is my hope that you will develop Discernment to know which relationships to nurture, and which people to allow to walk away.

6. Change is inevitable.  Never fear change.  Stay flexible, especially on the job.  This will come in handy more often than you realize.

7.  Feeling fear is normal.  Wallowing in it, or allowing it to dictate your choices in life is limiting.  Tempting as it is to not do things based on fear of the unknown, taking calculated risks (where you measure the possible outcomes against the size of the risk you are taking), might actually be some of the best decisions you ever make.

8. Knowledge is easy to obtain; Wisdom is not.  You will gain both as you get older: Knowledge through study, application and practice; Wisdom through a painful teacher called Experience.  The only people that don't gain Wisdom are people that don't want to.  On that same note...

9.  Proper money management is critical.  I didn't learn about what credit really meant until after I turned 30, and I have paid dearly for that lack of knowledge.  It is crucial that you realize there are a lot of little ways to stumble, and seriously damage your financial future. Nothing to fear, but a few things to know in order to have secure finances.

10. Failure is not the end.  Look at setbacks as the opportunity to reassess your goals and methods.  Then you can either try again from another angle, or go on to your next goal.  The point is always to keep moving forward, even if only an inch at a time.

11. Working hard and working smart are two different things.  Both are required to have a happy and successful life, and you will learn when to do each.

12. There are worse things than being alone.  This goes for friendships and relationships.  This also goes along with #5 above.  Red flags are exactly that:  an internal warning that something is not right, and from there you can make the choice to either explore it further, or leave it be.  But to be in negative relationship with people that either don't really like you, or are envious of you, or are unnecessarily and overtly competitive with you is emotionally draining.  In these cases, it is better to be alone than to wish you were.

13.  Kindness and decency are the meat and potatoes.  Intelligence is gravy.  Pretty is the dessert.  If she respects herself, and treats you and everyone else around her with respect, courtesy and kindness, she's a keeper.  If she is smart about the things that count (her strengths hopefully complement your weaknesses, and vice versa), that is an incredible bonus.  If she's also pretty, you hit the jackpot!

14.  Do pay attention to the world around you.  There is always a lot going on in the world.  Know enough about the world outside of your bubble of friends and interests to be able to speak intelligently about at least a few other subjects.  Notice when people are hurting or in need, and learn to be there for them.  Also notice when people want to be left alone, and respect their wishes.  The practice of empathy with the condition and circumstances of others will lead you to a better understanding of the world you live in.

15. Take care of yourself, too.  You already know that eating right (all things in moderation) and exercise are important for physical and mental health.  Take little time outs for your emotional health as well.  Spend a little time alone.  Unplug.  Listen to soothing music.  Read a good book.  I guarantee you will find yourself refreshed by the downtime.

Above all, know that I love you, and am truly looking forward to seeing the man you are becoming.

“The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely or unhappy is to go outside, somewhere where they can be quite alone with the heavens, nature and God. Because only then does one feel that all is as it should be and that God wishes to see people happy, amidst the simple beauty of nature. As longs as this exists, and it certainly always will, I know that then there will always be comfort for every sorrow, whatever the circumstances may be. And I firmly believe that nature brings solace in all troubles.” 
― Anne Frank, The Diary of a Young Girl

I like to walk.

For me, so long as it's not too hot outside, whenever I needed to think, taking a walk was always my favorite option.  Strap on a pair of headphones, add music and go.  Somehow, those long walks, where I escape into my head, if only for a little while, would always soothe whatever doubts, fears or anxieties that were hanging from the day, and leave me prepared to take on whatever came next.  I dare say that these head clearing exercises also inspired a great deal of creativity as well.

The city isn't always the best place to go for a walk, though.  Cars and dogs can get downright territorial depending on where you are trying to walk.  It's difficult to get into your own head space when you are concentrating on avoiding getting hit or bit.  Los Angeles native that I am, especially in the inner city areas where I was raised, I am used to constant concrete, broken up by the occasional tree, or if someone is REALLY good, a nice lawn or garden.  The scenery doesn't change much.  But I still preferred being outside, and if I could catch even a small glimpse of the beauties of nature, it felt like a bonus.

A couple of years ago I became a fan of a show on PBS called Globe Trekker.  I am a perpetually broke single parent, so I have a tendency to travel vicariously through others.  This show is the perfect vehicle for that.  By watching this show (and Rick Steve's Europe), I have been able to view nature in all of it's beauty all over the world.  What really got my attention, especially in the Globe Trekker series, were the hikes.  Long walks through beautiful countryside in every corner of the earth.  Fields, meadows, trees, flowers and not a car or streetlight in sight.  I would look at my daughter laying next to me watching these shows, and we would agree (as she dropped off to sleep) that we needed to see more of these types of things.

I started looking for beginner hikes last year.  Trails I could work with my daughter since we were both new at this, and I am not in the best shape.  I wanted to be out in the open with other hikers (and just walkers), and see nature pretty much untouched except for the natural trail.  I found a simple one not far from our home, a easy walk along the cliffs overlooking Pacific Ocean just south of us.  We started out an a warm, late-spring day, and found a parking spot next to the trail head in just under 15 minutes.  It was pretty easy to work, only 2 miles end to end I think, and we both loved it.  My daughter is also discovering the joys of being outside, enjoying the scenery and just letting your mind wander.

We immediately planned our next hike.  This one was longer, 4 miles in and out, up through Eaton Canyon, and into the Angeles National Forest to a small natural waterfall.  Neither of us had ever seen a waterfall before, and for most of the time on the trail, she ran ahead of my sister and I.  Here is the beauty of taking a child out of the city, and into the natural world.  She was fascinated by everything she saw, because for the most part, she only got to see any of these things on TV.  Her oohs and aahs, and the looks of wonder on her face, will stay with me for a very long time.  She got to forget about daycare and neighbor kids for awhile and just enjoy the wonders and beauty of the Earth.  She was also ready for her first trip to a sleep-away camp, and was completely able to enjoy the experiences of hiking in the woods, and sleeping outside.  My sister and I got a good workout, and got to have a good, unhurried conversation while marveling at the landscape that surrounded us.  And although we started later than I thought we would, therefore it was extremely hot on the hike out, it was still a beautiful trek, although we agreed we would go back when It was cooler.

My first solo hike was to have been this past Friday.  A one mile round trip around a natural garden, up to a man-made lake, then back out again.  The heat got me again, before I got to the lake, but the beauty and solitude of the trails and surrounding gardens will draw me back again when it is cooler.  I also discovered that although solo hikes are nice when you need to clear your head, it's better to go with someone else.  I admit that I am still a city girl, and hearing things rustle in the surrounding brush startled me into a trot on more than one occasion on those isolated trails.  Having someone else there to take it all in with you makes for a great time of discovery with conversation and companionship to boot.  And of course there is space to sit and contemplate.

"I left the woods for as good a reason as I went there. Perhaps it seemed to me that I had several more lives to live, and could not spare any more time for that one. It is remarkable how easily and insensibly we fall into a particular route, and make a beaten track for ourselves. I had not lived there a week before my feet wore a path from my door to the pond-side; and though it is five or six years since I trod it, it is still quite distinct. It is true, I fear, that others may have fallen into it, and so help ed to keep it open. The surface of the earth is soft and impressible by the feet of men; and so with the paths which the mind travels. " - Henry David Thoreau - Walden


I live in the city, and as always I have to go home.  But a love of walks in the woods has been woken in me, and I have a list of hikes I am planning to attempt.  Short and longer, destination hikes, and looping trails, up into the mountains, and along the beaches.  There is great beauty in my own backyard, and I am just getting around to exploring it all.  No need to trek the globe.  Not yet anyway.  But I do hope to meet you on the trail someday.  Just lace up your shoes, grab a friend and take a walk.

I am enjoying the relative quiet of two kids still asleep on a holiday morning.

It is rare, and it will be fleeting.  Soon it will give way to requests for food, attention and money.  There will be chores, weekend homework to complete before tomorrow, hair to be taken down for an appointment on Friday.  Recyclables to be collected, a budget and meals to be planned and three lives coordinated into some semblance of order.

But for now, there is only silence.  Morning television provides soft background noise.  Neighbors take off to their various destinations for the day.  The dog in the front house is barking at passerby.  My house is quiet though.  It's a wonderful thing, this quiet.  I rarely have time to sit or ponder, and I welcome the respite from the constant business of my life.

I'm not used to quiet.  Especially with my kids.  My house generally sounds like there is a five-alarm fire in progress.  My son listens to everything at top volume, and is not amused when I ask him to either turn stuff down or go get fitted for a hearing aid.  My daughter is entering her drama queen years, when all conversations are conducted in high pitch whine.  The kids are incapable of asking me a question when we are in the same room, necessitating answers shouted from the rear of the house.   Coming back into the room to ask what the question was at a reasonable volume triggers instant amnesia.  Ditto the oddball argument that pops up the minute I leave the room.

The arguments are legendary.  If you think a 20 year old and a 9 year old have nothing to argue about, you have no imagination.  We'll start with the classic "you get away with EVERYTHING" argument, and just descend from there.  Sibling arguments are why I think earplugs were invented.  I have had to listen to, and referee, some of the most inane arguments ever to come from two kids.  Why, exactly, do dogs like to poop in our yard.  Can Skittles really fall from the sky.    Whether or not there was supposed to be cinnamon on graham crackers.  And if I have to hear them debate the virtues of various superpowers one more time, I may gag them both.  But it's the territorial squabbles ("Let me have the remote!  Put my phone down!  Don't throw that away!  Get out of my room!") that are conducted at high volume and normally need my immediate intervention. Loudly and generally in the middle of some other activity being conducted in another room.

That's later.  I just heard a door open, and I hear a sleepy voice behind me asking about breakfast.  It'll take her awhile to get up to full speed, and she just plopped herself on the couch with a pillow and a small blanket.  So far she's made no move to turn the TV, and is just laying there with a half grin on her face.  I think she is learning to enjoy the silence, too.