On October 8, 1992, at 8:04am, I gave birth to an 8lb., 4oz. baby boy.  Other than immediately wondering if 8 was going to be your lucky number, I had no thought other than "How on Earth am I supposed to raise this tiny little person into an adult?"  Twenty-one years, and many bumps, bruises and odd side trips later, I think I have finally come up with a hard list of things that I think are important as you move forward into the next part of your life.

1. Keep some form of spiritual grounding in your life.  I started this process by bringing you to church, and whether or not you continue, I hope you remain spiritually centered.  A foundation of faith, not religion, can bring a type of inner peace and strength that nothing can replace. Cultivate this.

2. Education is the gift that keeps on giving, and the one thing, once earned, that no one can ever take away.  Complete the concrete steps you need to move on with your goals, and never stop learning.  There is always something new to learn.

3. Ask for help when you need it.  The only people that will think less of you for asking are the people that already thought less of you to begin with.  Those are people you need to avoid if at all possible.  Conversely...

4.   If you can do it yourself, do it!  Self-reliance is not a dirty word.  The trick is in knowing when to do it yourself, and when to ask for help.

5. Surround yourself with people who love you and value you for who you are, not what you are, or what you can do for them.  As you work towards personal and professional successes, many more people will enter your life.    It is my hope that you will develop Discernment to know which relationships to nurture, and which people to allow to walk away.

6. Change is inevitable.  Never fear change.  Stay flexible, especially on the job.  This will come in handy more often than you realize.

7.  Feeling fear is normal.  Wallowing in it, or allowing it to dictate your choices in life is limiting.  Tempting as it is to not do things based on fear of the unknown, taking calculated risks (where you measure the possible outcomes against the size of the risk you are taking), might actually be some of the best decisions you ever make.

8. Knowledge is easy to obtain; Wisdom is not.  You will gain both as you get older: Knowledge through study, application and practice; Wisdom through a painful teacher called Experience.  The only people that don't gain Wisdom are people that don't want to.  On that same note...

9.  Proper money management is critical.  I didn't learn about what credit really meant until after I turned 30, and I have paid dearly for that lack of knowledge.  It is crucial that you realize there are a lot of little ways to stumble, and seriously damage your financial future. Nothing to fear, but a few things to know in order to have secure finances.

10. Failure is not the end.  Look at setbacks as the opportunity to reassess your goals and methods.  Then you can either try again from another angle, or go on to your next goal.  The point is always to keep moving forward, even if only an inch at a time.

11. Working hard and working smart are two different things.  Both are required to have a happy and successful life, and you will learn when to do each.

12. There are worse things than being alone.  This goes for friendships and relationships.  This also goes along with #5 above.  Red flags are exactly that:  an internal warning that something is not right, and from there you can make the choice to either explore it further, or leave it be.  But to be in negative relationship with people that either don't really like you, or are envious of you, or are unnecessarily and overtly competitive with you is emotionally draining.  In these cases, it is better to be alone than to wish you were.

13.  Kindness and decency are the meat and potatoes.  Intelligence is gravy.  Pretty is the dessert.  If she respects herself, and treats you and everyone else around her with respect, courtesy and kindness, she's a keeper.  If she is smart about the things that count (her strengths hopefully complement your weaknesses, and vice versa), that is an incredible bonus.  If she's also pretty, you hit the jackpot!

14.  Do pay attention to the world around you.  There is always a lot going on in the world.  Know enough about the world outside of your bubble of friends and interests to be able to speak intelligently about at least a few other subjects.  Notice when people are hurting or in need, and learn to be there for them.  Also notice when people want to be left alone, and respect their wishes.  The practice of empathy with the condition and circumstances of others will lead you to a better understanding of the world you live in.

15. Take care of yourself, too.  You already know that eating right (all things in moderation) and exercise are important for physical and mental health.  Take little time outs for your emotional health as well.  Spend a little time alone.  Unplug.  Listen to soothing music.  Read a good book.  I guarantee you will find yourself refreshed by the downtime.

Above all, know that I love you, and am truly looking forward to seeing the man you are becoming.

I am one of those people that posts pictures of things that I am either cooking or eating on Facebook.  Yes.  I am THAT person.

This modern way of sharing a meal replaces the old  fashioned get together.  Although this type of sharing is a necessity of modern life due to our chronic over-scheduling and far flung friends and relatives, it's also useful for hiding our mistakes.  You see the delicious end result, not the destroyed kitchen it took to create the dish, or the five times I got the recipe wrong before I finally hit on the magic combination that made it edible.

I am not someone considered a "natural" in the kitchen.  That title is held by my older sister, Mignon.  No matter what she decides to cook, the food looks magazine perfect, is delicious, and is prepared correctly the first time.  Always.  Culinary perfection in a way most of us stumbling around the kitchen trying not to burn the pot of water we left on to boil would aspire to, if only we could remember why we put the pot of water on to boil in the first place.  I have had open pouting fits because she made one of her heavenly (and HEAVY) cream cheese pound cakes, and either due to timing or the cake being for someone else, I couldn't get a piece.  She is the only person that can cook liver that I will actually eat, and one Christmas served up a re-imagined banana pudding that has the entire family begging her for it at every holiday.

I am not a terrible cook, but I know my limits.  So long as I keep it simple, the kids don't end up eating sandwiches or cereal for dinner due to my attempts at creativity.  My disasters are numerous and legendary.  Just ask the kids.  Take the steak I killed the other night.  Yes.  I know it was dead when I bought it at a huge markdown from the store, but I delivered the cheap cut of meat (it was hugely marked down for a reason) to a second death by way of what was supposed to be a short stint in the oven that wasn't quite short enough.  When I pulled the steaks from the oven, I'm not sure what alarmed me first: the strange smell, or the way the steaks had curled up in the middle of the pan, as if recoiling form the marinade I had put in the pan to keep them moist.  The steak knife met with a great deal of resistance as the meat absolutely refused to be separated from each other, and the first taste reminded me that I needed to clean my daughter's sneakers for school the next day.  The kids tried the steak, and managed to set a record for spitting it out without ever chewing it.

Mercifully, it's not always that bad:

The saving grace for me has been cooking shows.  I am a visual learner, and watching people do things while they explain what they are doing goes a long way in making sure I actually understand the process, as well as giving me an idea of what each step is supposed to look like.  I can't tell you how many times I have followed a recipe only to end up with food that looks more like it came from the Cartoon Network than the Food Network or the Cooking Channel.  Before America's Test Kitchen on PBS taught me how to make a bechamel sauce, add cheese, whatever pasta I wanted to use, then bake the whole thing in the oven, I was still making boxed macaroni and cheese, my daughter's favorite food.  I have now attained bad-ass status in my daughter's eyes because I don't have to use the boxed anymore, I can cook what she likes from scratch.  If the ability to make my kids favorite dinners, or heck, even make something they will eat without complaint or mysterious frowns, gets me hero status, I'll take it.

My son, Damani, is turning into quite the cook himself.  He's also a visual learner, and by watching me, figured out what not to do in the kitchen, as well as how to make sure at least some things go right.  He took a summer course from a chef at our church, and performed work study in a Marriott hotel kitchen.  He has the added benefit of YouTube for learning to cook new dishes, and a knack for adapting recipes if he doesn't have every ingredient he needs.  He also has a unique gift of being able to taste a dish and not only guess the ingredients, but how to prepare it.  I found out about this trick with a breakfast casserole I had purchased from a convenience store.  He took one bite, told me what was in it, and after I bought the food needed to re-create the dish, he made a better version of the casserole, and it is now a staple on weekend days when we are going to be particularly busy.

Just so you know, I do not cook on Mother's Day.  I buy the groceries needed for my special dinner, then tell the kids what I want.  This past Mother's Day, I found steak on sale (not a cheap cut, just on sale), fresh broccoli, and potatoes.  I didn't have to give my son much direction, my daughter happily helped out, and the dinner above was the result.  It was every bit as delicious as it looks.  To say that I am only an average cook, my son is turning out to be quite the superior cook.  To the point where he and I can switch off cooking duties during the week, and I never have to worry that the food will be inedible.  I love it.  And I'm so glad he didn't learn it all from me.  Then I'd be worried.