Everybody has a "thing": a certain little something that catches your notice when you first meet someone. Because no one can immediately see what kind of personality a person has, more than likely your initial "thing" will be something physical. And we all know some body part aficionados: legs, breasts, hair. We are all at least a little guilty of being mesmerized by some aspect of another person's outward appearance.
I am just as guilty as anybody. I am about as into male objectification as most single women my age. I marveled at the well formed bodies of the men in Magic Mike, and I enjoy the, ahem, sight seeing on warm days in Southern California, when men turn to tank tops and shorts for relief from the heat.
But if I were to be completely honest, I would admit that I am a huge sucker for a beautiful pair of eyes. Color doesn't matter. I always thought it was a cliche that the eyes were the windows to the soul. I don't know if I would go quite that far, but I know that really paying attention, and looking right at people during a conversation, can often tell you almost all you need to know about that person.
It's a habit I picked up after taking a class on work habits and study skills at a local community college. We went through a section on different types of listening, and I was most struck by the instructor's definition of active listening: When you are completely silent, and absolutely focused on the person you are in a conversation with.
Far beyond just looking away when they are not telling the complete truth (and even that isn't always necessarily true), you will always be able to get pretty close to what's going on with people internally if you watch their eyes during a conversation. You will learn that even while smiling and insisting that they are "okay",someone's eyes can tell you that they are actually in the worst pain of their lives. It takes a lot of learned empathy to see a person's life through their eyes, not just their words. I've heard people say the sweetest things, while seeing the judgement and condescension in their eyes. It was more than a touch disconcerting, and unfortunately confirmed suspicions I already harbored about those same people.
If I ever decide that I want to be in another relationship, I hope to find a person with nice eyes. Not blue or green or hazel necessarily. Although those would be nice, I mean a person whose eyes show me that kindness and understanding are a part of their internal makeup. I've mentioned before that as much as I like a pretty face, internal qualities are extremely important, and we all need somewhere to start ascertaining what those qualities are. I figure the eyes are as good a place to start as any.
I am just as guilty as anybody. I am about as into male objectification as most single women my age. I marveled at the well formed bodies of the men in Magic Mike, and I enjoy the, ahem, sight seeing on warm days in Southern California, when men turn to tank tops and shorts for relief from the heat.
But if I were to be completely honest, I would admit that I am a huge sucker for a beautiful pair of eyes. Color doesn't matter. I always thought it was a cliche that the eyes were the windows to the soul. I don't know if I would go quite that far, but I know that really paying attention, and looking right at people during a conversation, can often tell you almost all you need to know about that person.
It's a habit I picked up after taking a class on work habits and study skills at a local community college. We went through a section on different types of listening, and I was most struck by the instructor's definition of active listening: When you are completely silent, and absolutely focused on the person you are in a conversation with.
Far beyond just looking away when they are not telling the complete truth (and even that isn't always necessarily true), you will always be able to get pretty close to what's going on with people internally if you watch their eyes during a conversation. You will learn that even while smiling and insisting that they are "okay",someone's eyes can tell you that they are actually in the worst pain of their lives. It takes a lot of learned empathy to see a person's life through their eyes, not just their words. I've heard people say the sweetest things, while seeing the judgement and condescension in their eyes. It was more than a touch disconcerting, and unfortunately confirmed suspicions I already harbored about those same people.
If I ever decide that I want to be in another relationship, I hope to find a person with nice eyes. Not blue or green or hazel necessarily. Although those would be nice, I mean a person whose eyes show me that kindness and understanding are a part of their internal makeup. I've mentioned before that as much as I like a pretty face, internal qualities are extremely important, and we all need somewhere to start ascertaining what those qualities are. I figure the eyes are as good a place to start as any.
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